Hello beautiful soul. Some time recently, I started to write the story of how my spirit got broken and my soul torn from my heart. I need to pour out all my laud and radiance to the maker of my soul. I was handcrafted and was given the heart he molded into me. My heart is full of cherish and sympathy. Everything you're about to feel profound inside your soul, my heart has felt and overcame the scars you see, the pain you feel, I wear them gladly and stand solid inside my faith. Keeping confidence within the unknowing. Tears have fallen down my eyes and wiped off with the hands of my maker and supplanted with bliss, consolation and peace and love. The cup runneth over. I consider myself very fortunate to be here in this exact house at such a difficult time in my life. I'm grateful to God for putting the heart reading this in our direction. Thank you for allowing God to take you to the shattered remains of my heart. I apologize for any tears that may well fall from your eyes. Please have remorse on my side. Don't cry for me. Simply lift your eyes to the sky and give God all glory. Before my heart became broken and my family lost all hope and faith, we became homeless and were fighting demons daily. The everyday struggles that our family had to encounter broke us down. The demons that we have and continue to fight daily is something I believe nobody should have to experience. Trials and tribulations only made us stronger. Knowing that it was just our family of four against the world, we had to trust in the Lord and know that all the struggles we have been going through would be all worth it at the end. We had to know and believe that we would be given more than what we have lost. Our father above has never left us, he is right where we left him. All we have to do is call out to him. Growing up as a lonely child was very hard for me. I always prayed to God, asking him to give me a chance to have a family. As a beautiful young girl that had a heart of gold, full of love, I just wanted to have someone who loved me for me. I was the little girl who no one wanted to play with, I was always playing by myself. I have been looking for acceptance in others around me and I would always disappoint myself. So I started looking for all that I needed in the man upstairs. All throughout school years I didn't have any boyfriends more less any guys talking to me. Always being made fun of and bullied. Childhood traumas haunt my mind on my future. I was tired of it one day and gave it all to God. Little did I know he had many blessings waiting for me. Twenty years of pleading to my heavenly father for my own family was about to finally pay off. Jesus showed me what love really was like through a gift he gave me. In 2012, He blessed me with my first true love, my son Brayden. Just four months before my twentieth first birthday I gave birth to a beautiful angel whom I fell in love with at first sight. He was a healthy nine pound baby. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He was my best friend. He was definitely the love I needed and wanted. He has been my little sidekick. The only man I will ever need. God knew exactly what kind of love I needed and so he created my son. He let me see love and feel love when I first laid eyes on the most precious thing I have ever seen. I was loving my new life with a child who was handcrafted for me and depended on me for love. I was made for him to be his mommy. God created a little human for me to love and guide towards Jesus. In 2016 I decided to place my son with my mother due to some issues. My mother kept my son for eight short months up until one day she had lung surgery. She was sent home on a breathing machine. Weeks went by and I went to my mothers the night before halloween. We all went to Kroger to get pizza and went back to my moms. My mother stayed upstairs in her room most of the time. My son and I fell asleep downstairs on the couch, so I carried him upstairs to his bed and kissed him goodnight. I told my mother goodnight and said I love you. The next morning my mother allowed me to take my son to a friend's house to trick or treat and to spend some time with my son. When I took my son home that night I told my mother I would like to see him more. We said I love you and little did I know that was going to be the last time I would ever hear my loving mothers sweet voice. A week and half later, we get the news nobody ever wants to receive. My mom told my son to dial 9.1.1. Little did he know those last few minutes were going to be the last time he would see her because she became an angel who was given her wings and was flying high on the mountain top to meet her maker's face. My mother was put on life support due to the fact she had lost too much oxygen. She was brought back to life and shortly after she was lifeless. There was so much damage to her brain. Her body had to be frozen to try to save any brain activity, if there was any. Then her body would be heated back up. Unfortunately, there was no brain activity. My mommy had gone to heaven to be our guardian angel. The doctors told the family if they kept her on life support, she would only have a four percent chance to come out of the coma. The family was called in to remove her from the machine. That moment I realized my mommy wasn't coming back. The whole time my mother was in the hospital, my mama’s twin sister had my son and was trying to keep him. I was in the hospital bed lying beside my mothers lifeless body. Her body kept having seizures and I was trying to calm her down by singing to her. When I would mention my son while talking to her, a big teardrop fell from her left eye. I had asked the doctor if she wasn't alive then why did a tear fall when she heard my son's name? I believe her soul was still there. She was letting me know something. I really believe that she was trying to tell me something She fought a slow death. She was fighting the last two days on her own. The doctors said my mother didn't have time, she had only a few hours before her pacemaker would stop. That was the only thing that was keeping her here. Her soul was already gone. Monday night I decided to go home and get some rest. Well, I woke up to a phone call I was dreading. I received the news that my mama passed on, I was alone at home by myself. Worst day of my life and what made it even worse was the fact my son went straight to my moms front door and was trying to go in to show me something. He didn't know the truth yet, it really was a hard time for my family. November 10th, 2016 was the day our lives changed. I remember my mother gave me the best advice I ever heard. She would tell me “Baby, if you ever get lonely just put your children in the bed with you and hold them tight.” Also she would say, “If you would stop looking for love and focus on your son, God will put someone in your path.” A couple months later I asked Jesus to bring a man who would love me and my son. All those nights I cried, trying to remember the sound of her voice and the wise knowledge my mother told me. I did just what she said and the feeling of loneliness faded so fast. Never knew that I would feel so loved and not so empty. My mom was right. My child was a true blessing from above. He was my heart, the only person that knew the sound of my heartbeat from the inside. He will never forget his mama. I was given this beautiful gift to teach him about God and take him through the path to Jesus. I was meant to be his protector, and love him through it all. Teach him the way of life, which is through Christ Jesus. Children are a gift from the lord; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3 A few years ago when I was at my cousin's house visiting my family, I met a young man through a friend of my family. The very moment I laid eyes on him, I automatically prayed to my father in heaven asking him to bring someone like him or even bring him into my life. I was 18 years old when I first saw him. I remember telling my cousin “Big Mama” that he was going to be the one. She looked at me like I was nuts. Ever since that day I have gone through so many heartbreaks and was misled by most people. My heart has been crushed by the ones who meant the most to me. I was created with a heart full of love and was merciful to others. “For I wrote you out of distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you. 2 Corinthians 2:4. My soul is deep and I can describe how deep my feelings are in the sound of my voice and with the words falling off my lips and into the universe. “May your unfailing love rest upon us, O lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:22. My heart was handmade by Jesus, created to love and forgive others. My heart was molded by the hands of my maker's graceful hands. Well, Jesus brought love to me again in a way that made me realize that I was meant to love another child. In 2014, I was blessed with another boy named Curtis aka “Tator bug”. My sweet baby boy was born December 22, 2014. Just two days after his fathers birthday and was brought home Christmas eve night. Life was starting to fall apart slowly but surely. My life seemed as it was never going to get better or more brighter anytime soon. My family with my youngest child broke my belief in trusting anybody. He is so sweet and so funny. Sweet as can be. He sure does love his mommy. He is my chunky monkey. He weighed 10 lbs when he was born. If you're wondering if I had natural birth, no I didn't. Praise the Lord I was built with a small frame.
In February of 2017, all those years of praying for that one special man to come into my life was going to become true and realistic for me. My hopes of having a second chance at having a family. I remember one of the wise advice my mother once told me and it all became clear to me on that one Wednesday night. As I was getting my son dressed for church my phone went off. My son had brought the phone to me saying it was a notification from Facebook. I opened the notification to realize my world was about to wake up. I realized there was a comment on one picture of my son and I on the porch. It was written “hit me up” by the same guy I have been waiting and praying for. Since that day, We have been inseparable. We had a rocky start in the beginning of our relationship. From campsites to motel rooms for the first year was very complicated. We struggled so much that we realized that we are strong warriors of Jesus and we couldn't give up hope or let our faith wither away.
Having the enemy of addiction make his way into our home was a daily struggle. Having to watch my boyfriend go into an Emily Rose exorcism was so hard for me and my child. It looks like the enemy was trying to take over. I would do nothing but stand over him and pray for the devil to remove himself. He is a child of God. There has been many days I would have to stay close by just in case he stopped breathing, due to him not having no air and no heartbeat before. I had talked to a certain person and told her what my family was experiencing, she found a home that was for rent and helped our family get into the home. We were finally moving out of the one bedroom apartment we had at the motel. I had no other choice but to make that decision just two weeks before Christmas. My family has suffered enough trauma already, due to the severity of the matter we moved into our very first home together. We were very happy and blessed to have the chance to be a family. Our son Brayden was so stoked about having his own room that he gave a elderly man and woman the Christmas tree we had up and gave all his toys to their grandchildren. Our first Christmas as a family in our new home was not what we expected. My son and I got to spend Christmas together without our “Elsa”. I still had a blessed day with my son. He had opened a gift and realized it was something that he wanted but only he knew it. He saw that it was a magic track set. Mind you that “Elsa” and I went dumpster to dumpster to get most of his gifts. He also was given presents through the school. He loved his presents and had a wonderful first Christmas at our new home. I was very pleased and blessed to have what I was given. We were finally happy for once. We had a chance to show the world that we can do it and get through it by the grace of God. Just never let go of the faith. We never lost faith during these times.
Just a few months later, Brayden had just got home from school and asked if he could play outside with the little boy I babysit everyday. I had told him to give me a few minutes to finish up the dishes and we would go outside. My boyfriend was walking home from work and noticed that the boys were playing basketball and I was on the porch. He sat down next to and before you know it something happened. A guy ran up to my boyfriend and I to tell us that our son was hit by a car. My son was chasing the basketball down the driveway and knocked him straight out his shoes. We thought he was gone when we laid eyes on him in the driver's arms. I was so shocked and confused that I couldn't cry. The driver had stopped the car to get out and check on our child and picked him up and took us to the hospital. On the way to the e.r my son decided he wanted to be in his mommy's lap, I told him to sit still because he might have broken something. He didn't like that idea. So he climbed over to me and got in my lap. This is where it all starts to get worse and my whole world comes closing in on me. He had to be life flighted to the children's hospital. “Elsa” was going to fly in the helicopter but due to the weight limit he was not able to. We all drove to Atlanta to be with our son. Social services were already there waiting for us. We answered every question that they asked us. Well somebody who was with us had decided to go back to her house a couple days later and asked my son if he wanted anything from our house and he wanted his “snuggles”. She had other plans in mind. She met the social worker at our home and allowed them to look inside my home, and started talking to my caseworker behind my back without my permission. I called the family and children's office and reported the case worker. She didn't have her job long after. Now mind you, prior to us moving to my hometown in Lula, Social services approved “Elsa” on three different occasions. My case is found approved of no neglect. Cases have also been closed due to false allegations. We have taken parenting classes prior to this case. Taxes were soon to be filed and since we didn't know what to do we had to ask the evil step mom to help us. She recommended doing them on turbo tax. So we ended up deciding to let her do our taxes on turbo tax and agreed for a debit card to come in the mail. She got the brilliant brains to have the taxes deposited into her account. A car was found and purchased by a bill of sale to the evil step mom. She bought it out of our money and never had the tag issued in “Elsa” name. When my family moved out here, I never received a lease for the house I was renting. She wrongfully evicted me and my family due to the fact I wouldn't give her $800.00 for rent when we all know she had stolen $3900.00 from our taxes. Social services have supposedly said that if I didn't sign over temporary guardianship that they were going to take him from me. So apparently she had the idea to trick me into doing it while I was freshly out of the mental hospital starting new medications from Laurelwood. She got me in a very vulnerable situation and used it to her advantage. I did what every mother would do and signed over papers. Shortly after I called my old case worker that I've dealt with before and I explained to her what was going on, she proceeded to tell me that social services doesn't have any statement talking about taking my child in the computers. Do you know how stupid and foolish I felt? I felt like my child was wrongfully taken from me. Like I didn't deserve to have him. Brayden was the first blessing I received as a young lady. I search everyday for peace and justice, hoping he will be in my arms again. How can someone do such a horrible thing to another person? I will never understand but I do forgive her for her wrongdoings against our family. Ever since that moment my family has struggled to get back on our feet again. I was forced to go on the streets for a few months. During those months I tried every homeless shelter in the area to find some hope and shelter over my head. Feelings of being scared and hopeless were taking over. I was denied from all women shelters. Do you know how worthless and useless I felt? I was breaking down slowly. I always had thoughts of no hope in the future. I became numb to this cold heartless world. I continued to keep my faith in the Lord above like Job did when his wife cursed God. I always kept my faith in Jesus and uplifted my family in times of struggle. We never give up on what God has intended for us to have. We came across this home two years ago. We had to stay a couple of days during the winter of 2018. We made the bedroom that was in the back of the house our resting spot. My fiance had to sleep on top of me because it was so cold and we didn't have any blankets. We used the jacket we had to cover up. We made a pillow out of the clothes we had. He would stay up all night to make sure the fire didn't go out. The only light we had was the one flashlight that was very dim and the light from the fire along with the glow of the burning embers. Also, God would wake us with the morning light and the sounds of the birds singing. Sitting in the dark and staring at the fire, I noticed that nobody was around to help us. It was just me and my fiance at the end of the night. We had no one to call on but God. The last day we were there, God proved my family wrong. He had other intentions in mind. I then realized what God was about to do in our souls. Times of sorrow come with Joy. Too many tears have fallen from our eyes and nobody can comfort us at our weakest moments but ourselves and the touch of our father above. He broke us down gracefully and placed our feet back in the path of this house one year later in 2019. We were led back to the exact same place and I said we wouldn't go back. When our feet landed back on the property we were shocked and confused. So we sat still, listening for God's gentle voice to tell us we were going to be okay. He had soothed our confused minds and had mercy on us. He provided a home for us out of what he laid in front of our eyes. So, we made it into our home. We used the things we found around the house and we put it to good use. We cooked and ate out of the dishes that were from the 1900's. Our first time eating a meal on those dishes, we became very humble. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that we were starting from the ground up. Literally starting over with nothing and making a home out of what we found around the house. Definitely did something to my spirit. Ever since then my heart and soul became extremely attached to this beautiful piece of history. I remember telling my fiance that this house was going to make us or break us because we were definitely starting from ground up like the song “the house that built me” by Carrie Underwood. This house was definitely going to be the house that built my family from ground up. I also remember saying that God was testing the four of us, to see who was going to be the last one standing and who was going to make good use of it. I also told myself that I was going to write a book about our journey here on this property. When we arrived back at the house, there was a couple that had been staying there almost a year. They welcomed us into their hearts. They were staying in the same room that my fiance and I started out in. The four of us became close and slept in the same room for a while. We were all in the room together, day and night. Staying up all night laughing and coloring or playing card games. A lot of times my fiance and Chris would both go outside and have "Camo" night as they called it. They would get stuck outside at night and Alisha and I sometimes would have to yell for them a couple of times or go look for them because they would not come in. One time, both the men fell asleep in the yard and didn't realize it until they came in the house and saw that both of us ladies were sleeping in the same bed because we gave up on trying to get them into the house. Learning and getting to know each other was fun and interesting. After a couple of days, the four of us decided that we could move rooms and have privacy. We were peacefully secured with God's love and his hands protecting us. We have lived here for two years. This has become our life. Many cold nights sitting by the fire and plenty of hot sleepless nights. Living without power and water has been hard and very stressful. We would have to save a couple two liter bottles after they were empty then we would take a book bag and either walk up the hill or go to the church to fill the bottles up. We used rainwater to bathe and wash dishes, also we would wash our clothes by hand. The days that rain would be coming we would have to use things to collect rainwater. We had to do that for a very long time until one day we were blessed with a six gallon water jug. One beautiful morning my fiance decided to make me a homemade shower outside on the front porch. There was a hole in the roof of the porch, he called it the “Sunroof”. My fiance and I would heat up the water on the fire then we would fill up the jug with hot water, shower and help the other one rinse out their hair. Living without power isn't so bad. We had times where it was very complicated due to not having a steady light source, or we didn't have batteries for our flashlights. Having to depend on a flashlight to guide you in the dark was very stressful and aggravating. Our only means of power we had was the portables that we had and small car batteries. Unless we went up the hill to a neighbor's or to the church to charge our portables, we didn't have power for that night. We were very lucky if anyone would stop by and check on us or to come visit because it very seldomly happened. There were a couple people who were constantly coming by daily. We thank God for them everyday. They were a blessing to us from the angels from above. We also had some unexpected visits from the souls who have passed on. My fiance and Chris did the best they could to provide for us women. I know because we are still here standing strong. The four of us looked out for one another to a certain extent. Yes, there were days that the four of us didn't get along but we all were in the same position. Anger and miscommunication, with fear and loneliness creeping in our minds. Trying to escape it all, we all end up laying our heads down to rest inside a shack that became our lives. Chris and “Elsa” became really good friends that day. Thanks to Chris, he took us under his wings until we could defend for ourselves. We didn't have anything but the clothes on our backs and the bags we had. We all had a lingo that nobody understood. Chris’s favorite line is “pop your clutch”. He would always tell “Elsa” to pop his clutch and come into Chris’s room or to go outside to see what was going on. The boy’s never wanted to stay inside at night time. They would always find something to do outside. We all had so many nights staying up late just to laugh and act crazy. There were times that Chris would be having seizures in the dark, trying to come inside. Nobody knew it until I saw him in the pouring rain one night. He had on a gully suit and it wasn't hard for me to realize what was going on. At the end of the night, it became clear that it would just be me and my fiance that had our back. Nobody really cared about us, they were out for themselves. Our roommates were cool to an extent. Both the boys had a relationship that nobody could tear apart. I didn't allow myself to get close to anyone due to complications with getting close to others. My fiance and I have so many memories inside this home and have left so many footprints on the grounds of the property. The four of us had so many memories, good or bad at this house. We had no other choice but to make the best of the situation. So we did what we had to do and made it home. A couple months later, our roommates moved out and it was just my fiance and I inside that big six bedroom house by ourselves. It was so depressing without our roommates there to keep us company and help us stay out of our minds. “Elsa and I didn't handle it very well. We slowly started going down hill and became so depressed. We were killing our soul everyday just by staying inside the home. We felt like we lost every hope of getting our lives straight. Lost and confused because we had nobody to socialize with. We both lost our best friend that day. The house became so empty and was so quiet at night, “Elsa” became a lonely, quiet, lost person because he lost a person who was always there to help him escape the mess we were all in.
Jesus knew what we were about to endure through our journey and knew that we needed someone to help us on our way. He placed a very special person in our lives at the darkest moments at the right time! This man I am speaking about is a man who took us in under his wings and helped us in any possible way that he could. He was there almost every day to check on us to see if we needed to take a trip downtown or he would come by to just hangout with us inside of our home. He was so supportive of things. Anytime we needed anything or just wanted company no matter what time it was, he was there. Even though he may have lived up the hill, he still cared enough about us that we might as well have been his adopted children. This man was the only person who actually knew what we were going through because he was in our lives everyday before going to work and even after work. Stephen, we honestly want to thank you for sticking by our side and never giving up on us! You have been there through thick and thin. Through the ups and downs, the ugly times and the fun times. You stood by us for two whole years! Mrs Wood, Thank you for being my angel! You taught us a lot. I Love you! We also know that you don't like being called Mrs. Thank you so much Mr & Mrs Wood! We love you guys. You have been such a big blessing to our family. You always put everything and everyone else before yourself! You are and always will be our friend!
Cold winter nights started to fade and warmer sunny days started to brighten the world, we ended up cleaning up the property. Spending more time outside enjoying the beautiful place God had blessed us with. “Elsa” had carved our initials into our favorite tree that winter of 2017. He carved the tree again during the summer of 2019. The pain behind those hand carved initials is something that taught me a lesson. God had shown me our future down to every detail. Teardrops have fallen down cheekbones as the foundation of God's grace and mercy dries every tear. The feeling of loneliness lingered in the air. Laughter's echoed through the chimney as the burning ember brightens the souls true beauty. Lights from the church lit up the backyard for late night walks during quiet hours.
God is blowing the wind, our lungs are breathing in the green pastors while listening to the sound of the water hitting the rocks. Peaceful and calm vibes following the ripples down past the church that led to an old school house used back in the 1900’s. We wanted to get married beside the creek where feet will be washed. Imagine marrying your best friend by the creek in the green pastors where God laideth us. Having children run around on 3.7 acres of land is in my dreams. Trips down to the fishing hole to have camping nights. Fireflies glowing light guiding you to the most amazing eye catching embers lighting the fire that captures your soul and will not let go. The bright embers catch the inside of my broken soul, dying to escape the wildfire that never stops spreading.
Back in September of 2019, We had gone through the house and found so many things to use for my children's Christmas gifts that we have gathered from people throwing used toys Away. Well my heart was broken. Someone had gone through all the gifts and had the nerve to unwrap the gifts and took some of them. We had a very upsetting holiday that year. We were broken and our spirit was crushed. Our family lost all hope and joy. We had to keep having faith in our Jesus above. We didn't have a Christmas tree up at all. It didn't even feel like Christmas. We were so crushed and in disbelief that we didn't see our children. Although we were alive and breathing, we gave God all the praise and glory. I did get to have Christmas inside this home with my fiance and that made it even better.
My fiance and I have spent so much time going through this house getting things that we could use to wrap the gifts just for someone to ruin it for us and our children. When it was all said and done, my children had a big box full of gifts but it was all stolen before I could give it to my children. It broke my spirit. I cried every night for my children. I lost all hope that year.
Here we are now Christmas of 2020 and it still doesn't feel like Christmas, not even an ounce of jolliness was around us. Second Christmas in this home and the only thing that brought me the most joyful tune was the tree my boyfriend had put together. He put a couple of good limbs tied to one another and made it into a big poofy Christmas tree and brought it inside the house. We laughed so hard at the fact of how complicated it was for us to bring that big thing inside. It was so tall and poofy that it touched the ceiling and was bending the tree, tilting it forward. We had so much fun decorating the tree and just trying to make the best of everything that was going wrong. “Elsa” did a wonderful job trying to cheer me up and help bring joy to my heart. “It looks beautiful” as my boyfriend says. I was very blessed to have spent it with my best friend. Although the tree was empty underneath, we were truly blessed to have been able to see this day and to celebrate Jesus' birthday!
We have given two other families a place to lay their heads at night. We turned our blessing into blessing others. I couldn't disobey God's word by denying someone from a blessing that was given to us. What kind of person would I be? So anyone that Jesus had put in our path needed a resting place and received it when they stepped on the grounds of mercy. I had made a promise to the faithful God above when he placed us here on this land. The promise was that I would feed and clothe and protect anyone whom he shall place in our path to this house. I fulfilled my promise to him because he was so faithful to my family that I just had to pass on the blessing that was given to us at a time of our lives where we were so lost and broken. This house was our saving grace. If it wasn’t for God allowing us to have a place to call home and have a sense of security and peace to rest our heads at night, I honestly don’t know where we would be at that point. I give the Lord above all Thanks and Glory to him. This house has taught me so much. It also took me back to the older days when I would go to the fishing hole and dig around to find all kinds of things that our elders have used before. It was an amazing time for me. I loved finding old antique items, to the point my fiance would leave me down there until I came back up to the house. I would stay down there until I was ready or before it got dark. I would go back in the house and my fiance would be laughing so hard at me because I would be covered from head to toe in the Georgia red clay from digging up history!
To be continued...